[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_post_title meta=”off” _builder_version=”4.27.6″ _module_preset=”default” title_font=”Roboto|||on|||||” title_text_align=”center” title_text_color=”#000000″ title_font_size=”24px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_post_title][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.6″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”]There was a time when strength and endurance defined me.<\/p>\n
I trained for triathlons. Ran marathons. Shoveled snow, cut wood. Played football and wrestled. I was always confident my strength and endurance would win the day. There were seasons I\u2019d get up at 5:30, swim a mile, then run six more. For years, I biked 200 miles a week.
\nI loved it.
\nI felt invincible.<\/p>\n
My body felt strong. Capable. Reliable.<\/p>\n
And there was something about that kind of strength and endurance that felt like freedom.<\/p>\n
It also felt like control.<\/p>\n
Like I could handle whatever life brought my way.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t think about it much at the time.<\/p>\n
But looking back, I can see\u2014it wasn\u2019t just about strength.<\/p>\n
When Strength Becomes Something More<\/strong><\/p>\n Over time, that strength became part of how I saw myself. Not just in what I could do\u2026 but in how I understood my life.<\/p>\n There was this quiet assumption underneath everything:<\/p>\n I am strong. I can handle this. Everything will be okay.<\/em><\/p>\n I don\u2019t think I would have said that out loud.<\/p>\n But I was living from it.<\/p>\n I can even see it in the way I used to dream\u2014I\u2019d be shot or stabbed, and it wouldn\u2019t affect me. I would just keep going.<\/p>\n Somewhere deep down, I wanted to believe I was indestructible.<\/p>\n What I\u2019m Noticing Now<\/strong><\/p>\n Lately, things feel different.<\/p>\n It\u2019s harder to get out for a run. My back flares up. My legs feel tired. What used to feel automatic now takes effort.<\/p>\n And if I\u2019m honest, I don\u2019t like it. Not just because of the physical change\u2026<\/p>\n but because of what it exposes.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t like feeling limited.<\/p>\n I don’t like feeling weak.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t like feeling vulnerable.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When Life Makes It Clear<\/strong><\/p>\n And this hasn\u2019t just shown up in my body.<\/p>\n Recently, my wife went through a brain bleed and surgery. In a moment, everything I thought was secure changed.<\/p>\n And once again, I was reminded of something I would rather not face:<\/p>\n I am not in control.<\/p>\n What\u2019s Beneath It<\/strong><\/p>\n What I\u2019m beginning\u2014reluctantly\u2014to see is that my strength had quietly shaped how I saw reality.<\/p>\n It taught me, without me realizing it, that I could manage my life. That I could push through anything. That I was more in control than I actually was.<\/p>\n And now, at 69, that\u2019s being stripped away.<\/p>\n What\u2019s left is uncomfortable.<\/p>\n I feel smaller than I used to. At first, it feels like loss.<\/p>\n But deeper than that\u2026 And maybe that\u2019s why it hurts.<\/p>\n As\u00a0Dallas Willard\u00a0said,\u00a0\u201cPain is what you feel when you bump into reality.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n And I think that\u2019s what\u2019s happening here\u2014 And that kind of truth doesn’t come without pain.<\/em><\/p>\n The Beginning of Wisdom<\/strong><\/p>\n There\u2019s a line in the Psalms that says:<\/p>\n \u201cTeach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom\u201d (Psm 90:12).<\/p>\n I\u2019ve read that before.\u00a0 I\u2019ve taught it.\u00a0 I\u2019ve preached it.<\/p>\n But I\u2019m starting to feel it now.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a kind of clarity that comes when you stop avoiding your limits.<\/p>\n When you stop pretending you\u2019re in control.<\/p>\n When you actually face how painfully dependent you really are.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not comfortable.<\/p>\n But it does feel\u2026 true<\/em>.<\/p>\n And I\u2019m beginning to see\u2014that\u2019s where wisdom starts.<\/p>\n A Different Way of Living<\/strong><\/p>\n When you see things more clearly, you start to live differently.<\/p>\n You stop trying to control everything.<\/p>\n You stop carrying weight you were never meant to carry.<\/p>\n You begin to trust in a way that\u2019s not theoretical anymore\u2014it\u2019s necessary<\/em>.<\/p>\n For a lot of us, especially as men, strength has been part of our story.<\/p>\n We\u2019ve learned to push through. Handle it. Figure it out. Fix it.<\/p>\n And for a while, that works.<\/p>\n Until it doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n The Question I\u2019m Sitting With<\/strong><\/p>\n So here\u2019s the question I keep coming back to:<\/p>\n If my strength isn\u2019t what defines me\u2026 then what does?<\/em><\/p>\n I don\u2019t think that\u2019s a question you answer quickly.<\/p>\n I think it\u2019s something you slowly walk into.<\/p>\n It\u2019s an invitation\u2014<\/p>\n To move from control to trust. What I\u2019m Learning<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019m still learning what that looks like.<\/p>\n Learning to live from a place that isn\u2019t built on my ability to manage life\u2026<\/p>\n but on God\u2019s presence in it.<\/em><\/p>\n I don\u2019t always like what this process brings up.<\/p>\n But I can see that it\u2019s leading me to somewhere good.<\/p>\n More honest. And I\u2019m beginning to slowly believe\u2014<\/p>\n that\u2019s a better story.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n A Question for You<\/strong><\/p>\n Where are you still trying to hold onto control\u2014 [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_team_member name=”Dr. Scott Engelman” position=”Executive Director” image_url=”http:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/scott_sq.jpg” _builder_version=”4.27.6″ _module_preset=”default” header_font=”Roboto|700|||||||” header_text_align=”left” header_text_color=”#000000″ header_font_size=”24px” link_option_url=”https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/our-staff\/” border_radii_image=”on|150px|150px|150px|150px” box_shadow_style_image=”preset3″ global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_team_member][et_pb_cta title=”Any Questions or Comments?” button_url=”https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/contact-us\/” button_text=”Click Here” _builder_version=”4.27.6″ _module_preset=”default” header_font=”Roboto||||||||” body_font=”Poppins||||||||” background_color=”#000000″ custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”20px” button_bg_color=”#848484″ button_border_width=”2px” button_border_color=”#E02B20″ button_border_radius=”10px” button_use_icon=”off” border_radii=”on|10px|10px|10px|10px” border_width_all=”2px” border_color_all=”#E02B20″ global_colors_info=”{}”]I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences, whether you’re grappling with your own definition of strength or seeking insight on embracing vulnerability; your voice matters in this journey, and together we can explore the deeper truths that shape our lives and connect us all.[\/et_pb_cta][dssb_sharing_buttons columns=”3″ _builder_version=”4.27.6″ _module_preset=”default” sharing_title_font=”Poppins|300|||||||” sharing_title_text_align=”left” sharing_title_text_color=”#FFFFFF” share_font=”Poppins||||||||” share_text_align=”center” share_text_color=”#FFFFFF” border_radii_main=”on|15px|15px|15px|15px” global_colors_info=”{}”][dssb_sharing_button _builder_version=”4.27.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/dssb_sharing_button][dssb_sharing_button social_network=”email” _builder_version=”4.27.6″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/dssb_sharing_button][\/dssb_sharing_buttons][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There was a time when strength and endurance defined me. I trained for triathlons. Ran marathons. Shoveled snow, cut wood. Played football and wrestled. I was always confident my strength […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":234768,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":" Dr. Scott Engelman<\/strong><\/em><\/p> There was a time when strength and endurance defined me.<\/p> I trained for triathlons. Ran marathons. Shoveled snow, cut wood. Played football and wrestled. I was always confident my strength and endurance would win the day. There were seasons I\u2019d get up at 5:30, swim a mile, then run six more. For years, I biked 200 miles a week. My body felt strong. Capable. Reliable.<\/p> And there was something about that kind of strength and endurance that felt like freedom.<\/p> It also felt like control.<\/p> Like I could handle whatever life brought my way.<\/p> I didn\u2019t think about it much at the time.<\/p> But looking back, I can see\u2014it wasn\u2019t just about strength.<\/p> When Strength Becomes Something More<\/strong><\/p> Over time, that strength became part of how I saw myself. Not just in what I could do\u2026 but in how I understood my life.<\/p> There was this quiet assumption underneath everything:<\/p> I am strong. I can handle this. Everything will be okay.<\/em><\/p> I don\u2019t think I would have said that out loud.<\/p> But I was living from it.<\/p> I can even see it in the way I used to dream\u2014I\u2019d be shot or stabbed, and it wouldn\u2019t affect me. I would just keep going.<\/p> Somewhere deep down, I wanted to believe I was indestructible.<\/p> What I\u2019m Noticing Now<\/strong><\/p> Lately, things feel different.<\/p> It\u2019s harder to get out for a run. My back flares up. My legs feel tired. What used to feel automatic now takes effort.<\/p> And if I\u2019m honest, I don\u2019t like it. Not just because of the physical change\u2026<\/p> but because of what it exposes.<\/p> I don\u2019t like feeling limited.<\/p> I don't like feeling weak.<\/p> I don\u2019t like feeling vulnerable.<\/p> \u00a0<\/p> When Life Makes It Clear<\/strong><\/p> And this hasn\u2019t just shown up in my body.<\/p> Recently, my wife went through a brain bleed and surgery. In a moment, everything I thought was secure changed.<\/p> And once again, I was reminded of something I would rather not face:<\/p> I am not in control.<\/p> What\u2019s Beneath It<\/strong><\/p> What I\u2019m beginning\u2014reluctantly\u2014to see is that my strength had quietly shaped how I saw reality.<\/p> It taught me, without me realizing it, that I could manage my life. That I could push through anything. That I was more in control than I actually was.<\/p> And now, at 69, that\u2019s being stripped away.<\/p> What\u2019s left is uncomfortable.<\/p> I feel smaller than I used to. At first, it feels like loss.<\/p> But deeper than that\u2026 And maybe that\u2019s why it hurts.<\/p> As\u00a0Dallas Willard\u00a0said,\u00a0\u201cPain is what you feel when you bump into reality.\u201d<\/em><\/p> And I think that\u2019s what\u2019s happening here\u2014 And that kind of truth doesn't come without pain.<\/em><\/p> The Beginning of Wisdom<\/strong><\/p> There\u2019s a line in the Psalms that says:<\/p> \u201cTeach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom\u201d (Psm 90:12).<\/p> I\u2019ve read that before.\u00a0 I\u2019ve taught it.\u00a0 I\u2019ve preached it.<\/p> But I\u2019m starting to feel it now.<\/p> There\u2019s a kind of clarity that comes when you stop avoiding your limits.<\/p> When you stop pretending you\u2019re in control.<\/p> When you actually face how painfully dependent you really are.<\/p> It\u2019s not comfortable.<\/p> But it does feel\u2026 true<\/em>.<\/p> And I\u2019m beginning to see\u2014that\u2019s where wisdom starts.<\/p> A Different Way of Living<\/strong><\/p> When you see things more clearly, you start to live differently.<\/p> You stop trying to control everything.<\/p> You stop carrying weight you were never meant to carry.<\/p> You begin to trust in a way that\u2019s not theoretical anymore\u2014it\u2019s necessary<\/em>.<\/p> For a lot of us, especially as men, strength has been part of our story.<\/p> We\u2019ve learned to push through. Handle it. Figure it out. Fix it.<\/p> And for a while, that works.<\/p> Until it doesn\u2019t.<\/p> The Question I\u2019m Sitting With<\/strong><\/p> So here\u2019s the question I keep coming back to:<\/p> If my strength isn\u2019t what defines me\u2026 then what does?<\/em><\/p> I don\u2019t think that\u2019s a question you answer quickly.<\/p> I think it\u2019s something you slowly walk into.<\/p> It\u2019s an invitation\u2014<\/p> To move from control to trust. What I\u2019m Learning<\/strong><\/p> I\u2019m still learning what that looks like.<\/p> Learning to live from a place that isn\u2019t built on my ability to manage life\u2026<\/p> but on God\u2019s presence in it.<\/em><\/p> I don\u2019t always like what this process brings up.<\/p> But I can see that it\u2019s leading me to somewhere good.<\/p> More honest. And I\u2019m beginning to slowly believe\u2014<\/p> that\u2019s a better story.<\/em><\/p> \u00a0<\/p> A Question for You<\/strong><\/p> Where are you still trying to hold onto control\u2014 \u00a0<\/p>","_et_gb_content_width":"","_price":"","_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_header":"","_tribe_default_ticket_provider":"Tribe__Tickets_Plus__Commerce__WooCommerce__Main","_tribe_ticket_capacity":"0","_ticket_start_date":"","_ticket_end_date":"","_tribe_ticket_show_description":"","_tribe_ticket_show_not_going":false,"_tribe_ticket_use_global_stock":"","_tribe_ticket_global_stock_level":"","_global_stock_mode":"","_global_stock_cap":"","_tribe_rsvp_for_event":"","_tribe_ticket_going_count":"","_tribe_ticket_not_going_count":"","_tribe_tickets_list":"[]","_tribe_ticket_has_attendee_info_fields":false,"footnotes":"","_tec_slr_enabled":"","_tec_slr_layout":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-234810","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"ticketed":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234810","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=234810"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234810\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":235207,"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/234810\/revisions\/235207"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/234768"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=234810"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=234810"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dantompkinsweb.com\/AHM\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=234810"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nIt was something people noticed. It seemed to matter. And without realizing it, I started to lean on it.<\/p>\n
\nIn fact, I hate it.<\/p>\n
\nMore limited.
\nMore dependent.
\nMore exposed than I want to be.<\/p>\n
\nit feels like a kind of death\u2014
\nor at least the shadow of it\u2014
\nthe loss of the self I trusted to hold everything together.<\/p>\n
\nI\u2019m not losing my life\u2026
\nI\u2019m being brought back into reality.<\/p>\n
\nFrom self-reliance to dependence.
\nFrom securing life to receiving it.
\nFrom a smaller story\u2026 to a larger one.<\/p>\n
\nMore grounded.
\nMore dependent.
\nMore real.<\/p>\n
\nand what would it look like to face your limits
\nand live with wisdom?<\/p>\n
I loved it.
I felt invincible.<\/p>
It was something people noticed. It seemed to matter. And without realizing it, I started to lean on it.<\/p>
In fact, I hate it.<\/p>
More limited.
More dependent.
More exposed than I want to be.<\/p>
it feels like a kind of death\u2014
or at least the shadow of it\u2014
the loss of the self I trusted to hold everything together.<\/p>
I\u2019m not losing my life\u2026
I\u2019m being brought back into reality.<\/p>
From self-reliance to dependence.
From securing life to receiving it.
From a smaller story\u2026 to a larger one.<\/p>
More grounded.
More dependent.
More real.<\/p>
and what would it look like to face your limits
and live with wisdom?<\/p>